Wednesday, July 25, 2012


Growing up with a name like Gretchin wasn't easy. In a class with 15 Jennifers, 5 Laurens, and 4 Kristas, Gretchin was the weird name. Jennifers had straight hair and pretty features, nice clothes, and were well spoken. Laurens were smart, beautiful, and nice to everyone. Kristas were sweet, funny, and loyal friends.

Gretchin was goofy, awkward, quiet, had big, unruly hair, and laughed too loud (especially for being so quiet).

Even now, being removed from the high school stereotypes and cliques, I have trouble escaping my insecurities tied to the name Gretchin. I'm at a point in my life where I feel like, to quote Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's, "I'm not Holly. I'm not Lula Mae. I don't know who I am!"

On the outside, I'm mostly Gretchin (applying previously mentioned Gretchin-traits). On the inside, I'm more of a Holly.

I think we all are, really. I just let my Gretchin side rule most days -- safe, calm, life-in-a-bubble days. My Holly side is free to roam in the comfort of my own home -- silly, loud, free-speaking, telephone-in-a-suitcase moments.

Okay, so the point is that I'm changing. ...And, more often lately, my Holly side is showing. It feels good! Though I wouldn't call my alter ego Holly. She's more of a Greta -- edgy, witty, quick-thinking, fun-loving, swearing-like-a-sailor, may-have-once-been-a-truck-driver Greta!

She is the Gina of Empire Records, my I Love Lucy, my Holly. She's a little Janis Joplin, Marilyn Monroe, and Zach Galifianakis.

But it's not quite enough to just feel that way. I need to push myself more, to let my me-flag fly!

And I vow (gulp) to let her shine more often. Allow me to continue to refer to myself in the 3rd person when I say: Gretchin is terrified of this proposal.