Monday, October 6, 2014

Mommy Offerings

So, for the first time in a long time, I don't feel like writing. In fact, I'm writing this sentence in the hopes that I'll just start and keep going...

I have a food hangover from the weekend, am reeling from Gone Girl, and feeling sleepy after spending a much-needed evening visiting with family.

This full-time thing is tough. I forgot what it was like to not want to do anything except work, play, and sleep. Dishes, laundry, meal prep... hardly a priority. I must choose carefully what I dedicate my time and energy to, because there is so little of it to go around.

I'm back in a 21-Day-Fix challenge group, to try to get in better shape for my vacation. I say it's so that I'll be able to walk around more comfortably without getting tired so easily, but the reality is that I hate my body when I look in the mirror. I still see a slender waist, relative to the size of my body, but my hips have gotten bigger. More importantly, I'm uncomfortable moving, getting up off the couch. I've put on 40lbs since last year.

I tell my reflection that it's fine, that everyone's bound to have a food-honeymoon after not being able to eat what they want without getting sick for most of their life. Since starting my Crohn's medication, I can eat what I want, when I want. Greasy foods, sweet foods, it doesn't matter, but it's time to limit those foods to a one-time weekend treat.

This morning, I put on my running shoes, mainly for warmth. It was freezing outside, I had to scrape ice off my car windows. I drove to work, then walked to the grocery store. I bought fruit and English muffins, almond butter, and fat-free coffee creamer. I walked the long way, took the stairs.

And suddenly, I'm walking, wearing running shoes, and carrying fruit around. Baby stepping to big change. My counselor said that I should take on one task at a time instead of trying to do everything at once. So, I am. I've been keeping up with dishes, with Mark's help, and trying to work my way around the apartment and clean up, but dishes is my one household chore for the week.

Oh, and the parenting thing? Well, that's been a breeze. I've realized that if I just let her do what she wants 90% of the time, my job becomes super easy. It also helps that I have a wonderful daughter who wants to do pretty reasonable things, like help me clean, or paint leaves. I even let her do the things that are seemingly unreasonable, like wash quarters in a colander. To her, these little things are big things. To me, they may seem small, but her little to-do list, just like mine, is teaching her how to do big things -- like thinking outside the box, coming up with creative solutions to problems, and being an all-around cool kid.

I think we're doing alright... especially since last night she celebrated my "birthday" early (it's in February) and surrounded me with a dozen pieces of Nini's pewter collectibles -- an altar of offerings to the great "Mommy." I'll continue trying to live up to that status!

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