Friday, June 29, 2012

Notes for Self Improvement

1. It is inappropriate to say (in response to a child with a deep voice), "Smoke another one!" ... especially at day care.

2. As classy and sophisticated as someone may look in a business suit, they can quickly be brought back to "merely human" status when trying a sample of the Oreo Coollata at Dunkin Donuts and, after a dainty sip, gagging loudly into the sleeve of their blazer.

3. It is inappropriate to compare my professional relationship with the new guy at work (who is average height while I'm monstrously tall) as the timeless love (and lift scene) between Johnny Castle and Baby... In which I am Patrick Swayze while singing "Now I... Had... The time of my life..." (Thanks to Melissa.)

4. Though Mel and I, due to our large frames, may feel like grizzly bears competing for the attention of average-sized new guy, it is also inappropriate to act out a grizzly bear stand off in which we stomp our feet and grunt at each other after he walks by.

5. Jokes, like wishes, do come true (and back to you three-fold). So, do not hand your coworker a diaper with their Dunkin' Donuts order of an egg and cheese bagel and a hot chocolate.

6. It is inappropriate to make fun of someone with the last name Assarson and suggest that he name his first child Bernhard.

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