I permanently have a newborn baby on me, so I'm going to attempt to write this using my phone. Thank you Blogger app!Why I Read It
I feel the need to justify this book selection for a few reasons:
1. It has awful reviews on Amazon.
2. It's $25 for the hard copy. What?!
3. It's written by a man who created and starred in a porn flick called "Saved by the Smell." Ew.
4. It has an entire chapter dedicated to "getting laid" at Disneyland. Gross.
I guess my curiosity got the better of me... I grew up watching Saved by the Bell and have to admit I wanted the dirty details about what happened behind the scenes. The Kindle version was only $.99. I thought it must be worth at least that much just for the juicy cast gossip. I had heard about Dustin Diamond's sex tape and claims about all the women he'd been with. I was skeptical. Not because of who he is but mainly because he was bragging about it. I had to hear it for myself. The bad reviews got my attention too. I had to know if the book was really as bad as everyone claimed.
FYI: It is.
It's not even 1-star worthy. But if you're like me and enjoy reading really trashy and questionable celebrity gossip written by a delusional goofball, you may give it 2-3 stars for entertainment value alone. I couldn't put it down just wondering if the next page would be worse than the last.
Okay, so to organize my thoughts:
Writing & Grammar (0)
Awful. I think he may have written the entire book on his phone. I can only hope auto-correct is to blame.
Juicy Celebrity Gossip (1)
If you believe it, it's kind of fun to read about the cast and what they were like, who they supposedly were sleeping with, etc. My only issue is that DD seems to still be living on the set of SBTB. He claims that Tiffani is an evil, psycho-bitch whore because she (may have) simultaneously slept with Mario and Mark-Paul, smoked pot, and told DD to fuck off. He goes on to say that kids just don't understand how hard it is working in Hollywood with these Hollywood-raised kids. (No, we had it worse!) Tiffani wasn't an evil psycho-bitch whore. She was 16 and being bitchy. This isn't some phenomenon unique to Hollywood. The fact that he thinks so makes DD seem really out of touch with reality.
DD's Sexcapades (0)
I'm not particularly sensitive about men objectifying women. I just tend to ignore ignorant behaviors/attitudes. But my issue with his approach is that he refers to his female cast mates as whores for sleeping with other members of the cast while he claims to be sleeping with "thousands" of women. His descriptions of these women and what they do are disrespectful at best. But it's all "okay" because he apologizes to all those women for all the "freaky" things he did with them or if he ever disrespected them in any way... Like by writing a tell-all book about his encounters with them?
DD's Weirdness (0)
The aspect of this book that is most annoying is DD's general attitude and weirdness. He writes like a scorned child: "Hey, everyone was smoking pot and sleeping with each other on SBTB, but I was really the one getting all the "chicks." I did other "bad" things too like shoot a bb gun at a neighborhood tomcat and grope chicks on Splash Mountain at Disneyland. Being a celebrity was hard but I was the best actor and did better with my career than anyone else. The only reason I couldn't get a role in the Scooby Doo movie was because I wasn't friends with Sarah Michelle Gellar."
...No, they probably just didn't think it was tasteful to put a self-made porn actor in a kids' movie.
Final Thoughts
DD: It's okay that you're a douche... In fact, people seem to accept your douchiness as if it's some joke - that the Screech we knew could grow up to become some nerdy version of Charlie Sheen. The problem is that you think too highly of yourself to ever even be faux-cool. There's no basis for your arrogance, which made me question the validity of every statement in the book.
Ultimately, my expectations of this book were extremely low before reading. So, I have to give it (1) star for surprising me by being worse than my lowest expectations.
...For a total of 2 stars!
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