The Sweet Taste of Defeat

Today was supposed to be my last doctor's appointment before the baby's arrival (assuming she arrives close to her due date). It snowed most of the morning, so I wasn't looking forward to trying to maneuver my belly around the car and most likely slipping on the ice while trying to clear the snow off the car. Still, I was determined to get to this appointment and find out how the baby was doing and if labor was progressing.

I put on my game face... and hat, gloves, scarf, and boots. I bundled the baby belly in a big sweater, and reminded myself that we were two strong women who could brave a Vermont winter and every thing it had to throw at us.

The cold air hit me as I opened the front door of our apartment building, and I have to admit, it was invigorating! I felt so free in that moment and decided that once I was out, I would go everywhere! I would go to my appointment, the cafe for a fruit smoothie, the craft store, the grocery store! I waddled to the car, only slipping once, opened the door, brushed the snow off the seat, and carefully slid my big rear end into a sitting position.

I swung my legs into the car, leaned back, and took a few deep breaths. I made it! Next step - start the car. Then I would tackle the snowbank on top of it.

I put the key in the engine, turned it, and... nothing. I couldn't believe that my car would let me down at this exact moment, feeling a combination of exhilarating freedom and complete defeat. But it did. I called my husband, Mark, and put him on speakerphone, so he could listen to the awful sounds the car was making as I tried to start it. He told me to cancel my appointment and stay in for the day - the roads were bad anyway.

I went back to the front door of our building, sat down on the steps and cried... a good, long cry, while Mark tried to console me over the phone. I finally told him I'd be fine, hung up, dried my tears, and headed back upstairs.

But to add insult to injury... the apartment next door to ours is being used for offices, and one of the workers from the company was coming up the stairs behind me. There's a door at the top that swings out to the very top of the stairs, and I can't get myself around it without backing down a few steps. This guy wouldn't give me enough room to back up. So, I finally said, and God only knows why I feel the need to explain myself, "Excuse me, sir, I need to try to maneuver my large belly around this door here."

I can only guess by the surprised look on his face that I had bundled myself so well that it wasn't clear whether I was pregnant or extremely overweight.

Ugh, awkward... I quickly went into my apartment and tried to shake off the embarrassment. I ate two whoopie pies and called my sister. That helped. I cancelled my appointment and spent the rest of the day inside.