Pity Party

So, Mark was just diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. He'll have to be on a CPAP machine for the rest of his life. As I've begun noticing his symptoms more, I started paying closer attention to Ellie's sleep habits. Yep, she has it too. Her pediatrician is sending us to a specialist in Burlington on the 9th.

I know that, in the grand scheme of things, this ranks somewhere between "Ugh, Annoying" and "No Big Deal." There are some amazing parents out there who have dealt with worse. But, you know me and my anxiety. I can't sleep well -- I wake up in the night, trying to listen to her breathing. I know that every coughing spell is a sign that she's stopped breathing for a certain length of time. I've witnessed some scary ones after she's fallen asleep at bedtime.

The doctor says that her body knows what to do, so chances of her completely stopping breathing in her sleep are slim, but there are long-term developmental concerns. She's tired and cranky a lot. Of course, aren't most 3-year-olds? And I've noticed some odd speech things developing, which could all be normal. We'll know more when we talk to the specialist.

This makes me happy.

And, so, all I can do right now is wait. But, you know how I am about waiting... anticipatory anxiety is my kryptonite, and I'm not much of a superhero to begin with. I have good days and bad. This morning, I'm totally depressed. The thought of my little girl having to have her tonsils out breaks my heart, even though it's a relatively simple procedure, and we may not even have to do that. I know I can say "no" unless it's absolutely necessary, a.k.a. her life is in danger.

I thought writing about this would help me feel better, but all I've done is admit that it's a real thing when, up to this point, I've floated in and out of the preliminary worrying stage.

I don't even want this post to transition into all the wonderful things going on right now, as we're recovering from this flu. I feel like it will all be squashed by one big, looming tonsillectomy.

I want to go hide in a TV show, good music, or a box of donuts, and I don't have access to any of those things right now.

So, welcome to my pity party, readers.

If you want a more sunshiney post, check out our Birdhouse Craft Fail on the art blog. :-)

Oh Goodness

Has it really been a full month? I've been dedicating lots of time to the art site, freelance design work, and... oh yeah, raising a 3-year-old!

She's the best, and we finally had our first official birthday party with friends and family. I can't tell you how much it meant to me, especially since we were all sick on birthdays 1 and 2.

This year was all about Paw Patrol. She handled most of the party planning, ordered balloons, picked out all the supplies for her cake and helped decorate it. Is she related to my sister... or what?

She's the best, and we had a great time! 2015 is going to be a great year! I'm determined to do the usual resolution-related things like eat better, shower more, make fewer messes, and work harder. I also hope to continue raising a pretty amazing kid. I think we've done OK so far. She's awfully feisty at times, but she has a heart of gold.

I still can't believe we'll be starting our 4th year here at YMIS! It's pretty exciting! I have no plans of stopping blogging here. I write mainly for Ellie -- so she'll have a record of the early years. So, I'll definitely continue to write and update as I can.

One small change that I'm planning -- linking this site to the art blog, as essentially a MASSIVE bio if our local artist friends want to learn more about us!

What this means only right now is that Instagram is going to now be @artsourcevt. I may eventually switch over Twitter too, but we'll see... Anyway, point is -- we're in it for the long-haul.

Mark and Ellie are now quietly playing Paw Patrol. I've been assigned some role in this play. I think I'm the doctor for the pups. She keeps bringing me a pup, and nail clippers, and asking me to fix sprained paws and remove splinters. Gotta run, as we have a new patient... and, oh yeah, it's way past bedtime!

If you haven't ready my absolutely terrifying post about bringing a toddler to a gas station bathroom, check it out on the BVT Moms Blog -- The Horrors of Parenting!