Monday, July 20, 2015

Mommy Guilt

Ugh, I'm having the worst mommy guilt today. And it doesn't help that I haven't updated the blog in almost 4 months.

Maybe it's just because you're acting so grown up lately. We carry on grown-up conversations to the point that, sometimes I think I'm talking to a teenager. We're not through the "Horrible 3s" yet, which in all honestly haven't been that horrible. Temper tantrums are still a daily occurrence, especially when you're tired. But I'm so impressed with your abilities to talk it out and listen.

I've always loved you, always missed you while I've been at work, but it's different now. I miss you the way I would miss a best friend. Before, I missed feeling needed as a mom during the day. I missed your smile, your giggles, missed taking care of you. Now I miss your companionship, the conversation, your perspective on life.

I miss hearing you say things like, "The mountains look like waves," or "The sun is chasing me!" -- that little break from reality, a moment to look at the world your way.

I hope it's just hormones or exhaustion, or the Monday blues, but all I want to do is scoop you up and run away for the day. Maybe that's exactly what we both need: more, as you call them, "Mommy-Ellie days."

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