Things My Husband Doesn't Care About

For all the things my husband loves passionately... for all the times he's glanced at me so lovingly when our daughter does something cute or he sees something that makes him think of our relationship sweetly, there is an ongoing list of things running through my head of the things my husband doesn't care about... for better or worse:

He absolutely does not care or mind that:

• The trash is piling up and making my kitchen stinky
• The recyclables pile is getting so large it doubles as a security system for our front door
• There's a donut, with the frosting eaten off, in the passenger door of our car
• The toilet paper roll is empty
• His dress shirts are sometimes wrinkly
• The toilet doesn't flush properly any more
• The sink is full of dishes
• He needs a hair cut
• The dining room table has something sticky on it
• I cleaned our entire home ("Oh, I thought something looked different...")
• Our wedding cake (from 8 years ago) is still in the freezer
• A sour cream dip from 3 weeks ago is still in our fridge
• My driving is sometimes erratic -- he just closes his eyes in the car... and falls asleep
• I sometimes give myself a complete, jaw-dropping makeover ("Oh, you look pretty," he says nonchalantly.)
• I sometimes run around in a t-shirt and underwear with food all over me and stickers on my back ("You look cute, today," he says with a flirty smile.)
• I steal his socks... and PJ pants, and dress shirts to wear to bed
• My boobs are droopy after breast-feeding a mammoth baby for 5 months ("Lookin' good to me!" he says and raises his eyebrows.)
• I cut my hair short, then grow it long, then short... long again
• I'm not as pretty as I was when we met
• I let myself go, then got in shape, then let myself go again, then tried to get back in shape
• I experiment and make weird meals in our kitchen
• I don't shower as often as I used to
• He has to fight two women for the bathroom every morning, one of which cries a lot and screams that it's her turn to use the potty. Spoiler alert: That's me.
• Yesterday, our toddler's gender confusion was revealed, as she announced loudly in public, "My daddy is a woman!"
• A cranky two-year-old demands his constant attention from the time he gets home from work until she goes to bed
• She wants to play dollhouse with him for 2 straight hours
• He has to change diapers
• I make him check on a screaming toddler at 2am because she's "scared of the smoke alarm"

Though sometimes I wish he showed a little more interest or took more notice amidst the chaos that is our lives, I think I have it pretty damn good around here.

Yesterday, I told my counselor that my relationship was "perfect," or as perfect as it could be, or as she calls it, "healthy."

My only complaint was that I missed the beginning of our relationship, the excitement, the stolen kisses, the anticipation of seeing him each day. She said, "No relationship can meet all your needs all the time," and she suggested ways to bring back those feelings.

She listed other needs that relationships often don't fulfill -- security, financial stability, comfort, physical contact, trust, communication.

I found myself checking off each item in my mind and realizing the gaps that I don't fill in for our own relationship like, um... financial stability (cough, cough). "Another Coke, please!" And all the items listed above that I also don't make a priority.

And it occurred to me that our marriage is just one big project, that requires far less work thanks to my husband's easy-going nature, kindness, and patience.

And I remembered that every project we've ever worked on together, from school projects to raising a human being has been fun. Hilariously, crazily, wildly fun. We got this.