15 Dreams

Why does it seem like, the older I get, the more my soul dies? Ha! That's a depressing thought. I just remember being so full of dreams and love as a teenager. Sure, this could have something to do with discovering the Beatles in my parents' record collection and becoming head-over-heels obsessed with that old-rock beat and All-You-Need-is-Love mentality. And of course, 15 is ripe for first loves and daydreams, butterflies in her stomach, blue skies, blue jeans, nail polish, and John-Lennon-esque camouflage jackets, in my case. Imagine that.

My 15-year-old self was definitely a ditsy head-in-the-clouds kinda gal, but she was smart too. Has anything changed, ditsy dreamer? Oh yeah, my soul is dying. So, lately, I've been trying to resuscitate it, because it seems that... 15 dreams, and 29 should be old enough to do something about it.

In hopes of preserving my precious, goofy, dreamy soul, I thought I'd reminisce with my 15-year-old self and see if I could find her lurking behind a box of old Beatles memorabilia in the garage that is my subconscious. "Where are you!?"

Here you are, curled up in a corner reading Hills Like White Elephants.

15: "Um, Duh!! Of course Jig should have a baby! Who wouldn't want a baby?? How do you know you don't want a baby until you have one? Of course it's hard, and your life gets flipped upside down, but the love is worth it. You can do this, Jig!"

28: "Pregnancy is terrifying. I never knew how hard a miscarriage would be, the stress of getting pregnant again, coping with my anxiety escalating, panic attacks. I'm not strong enough. I need you, 15."

15: "Oh. My. God. Calm down. Your husband is wicked cute and super supportive." I dreamed of him, at 15. He looked like Prince Eric from the Little Mermaid. The resemblance is uncanny.

29 (and 1 baby): "Oh, 15, you have no idea... You couldn't even know this love. It's an earth-moving kind of love. It came slowly, (It had to break through some dead soul synapses.), but it came like a train, unstoppable."

"Or did you know? It almost feels the same."

I've decided that, despite some moments from my teenage years that I'd like to forget, 15 is pretty smart. So now I'm dying to know what else she could teach me.

So here is the start of my list of things 15 dreams, and I promise to try to make them happen:

1. Meet Paul McCartney.
2. Go to England (to meet Paul McCartney)
3. Get Married
4. Have a Baby
5. Read to Her!
6. Sing Her Beatles' Songs!
7. Visit the John Lennon Memorial in Central Park
8. Buy an Old Farmhouse with a Fireplace and a Reading Nook (Or just a house... No, not just a house! You compromise, 29!)
9. Write Music
10. Write for Fun! (Pesky School Papers!)
11. Breed More Dreamers!

And of course, Don't Stop Dreaming, you little, daisy-picking, ditsy, dream machine!

More to come!